i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
