Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
