u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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