He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
