I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
