i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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