yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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