I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
