your parents love me but you hate me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
