Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
