And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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