i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
