I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
