Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
