do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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