Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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