Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
