Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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