Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
