I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
