We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
