she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
