he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize