Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You're my little dorito
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
