I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
