Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
