She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
