Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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