I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Houston, we have a blender
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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