At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
