Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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