Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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