The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
