I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
