By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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