If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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