I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
