The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
