Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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