I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone shit on the floor
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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