You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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