You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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