I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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