You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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