apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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