Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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