let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In other news, I just burned my penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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