8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
