Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
