Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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