I accidentally burped into my bong.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
