omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
