Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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