Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
