3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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