i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
