all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
