Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
