This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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