she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
