Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
