people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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