Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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