the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
