Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
