girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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