I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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