I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
