I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
