I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize