4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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