I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize