Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
