I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
