she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
