I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
