Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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