The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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