I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
