Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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