I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize